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Many others share their way of thinking. Living apart together seems to be increasingly popular for all ages in all types of relationships. A few years ago, a study found that among 7,700 Wisconsin adults age 50 and older, 39 per cent of those who were together but unmarried lived apart from their partners.
While more recent research isn’t available, there’s undoubtedly been plenty of chatter around the subject in the past few years, thanks to famous couples like Paltrow and Falchuk talking about their situations. And as more younger people let go of milestone goals that no longer serve them. “Staying apart together” will likely only become more common.
For those who are used to being independent and who might feel suffocated living with someone full-time, having separate homes can absolutely be a good call. “Some couples do very well with staying apart together especially those who have very independent and active lives on their own”, explains Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and divorce mediator.
Dr Joshua Klapow a clinical psychologist agrees, adding that living separately can allow partners to have the space and the opportunity needed to maximize each person’s individuals time, growth and development.
Staying apart can also be a great choice for a relationship in which each partner has a different personality type( ie extrovert vs. introvert). If one person typically wants more alone time than the other, living in separate places can address the specific needs of each individual without the couple having to make compromises says, Coleman.
Then there’s sleep. “Many couples struggle with sharing a bed with a light sleeper or someone who snores or has a very different schedule says Coleman. ” In this situation, living together part-time allows both people to get a good night’s sleep their own way, without feeling they have to adjust to the other routine or habits”
However staying in separate houses has its downsides, even for people who think they fit the bill. For one thing “it often hinders the bonding process” says Dr Klapow, as living separately” places obstacles in front of the couple’s ability to connect and form a level of intimacy that can help keep them together for the long run”
Many people might struggle not having their partner support around when they need to talk or be close. For others too staying apart can also lead to trust issues since each person spends so much time by themselves. Staying separately can also be a financial burden since maintaining separate households is costly and requires significant time and energy.
Unfortunately, having this discussion might end up creating emotional distance for a couple rather than bringing them closer together, but that’s far better than trying out a situation that ends up backfiring down the line.
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